There are many things that you can do for yourself which will help you to feel better. Some of these are simple, like enjoying a meal or going for a walk. Others, such as joining a self-help group may take more planning and effort. However, in return they may give greater benefits.

In this section we suggest a variety of things that you might want to try. Helping yourself in this way may help to give you back a feeling of control over both your cancer and the related emotional effects.

If you have emotional changes caused by the cancer, you may find it difficult to talk to friends or family about how you really feel. You may find that you tell them that everything is fine, when you feel very different inside. You may give people other reasons for not being yourself, such as 'just feeling tired'.

If you can build up the courage to talk to just one person about how you feel, it can be the first step towards dealing with your emotions and helping yourself to feel better.

You may find that you have lost motivation and have begun to limit the amount that you do. You may not be going out as much, or you could be restricting your activities to one room.

It can help if the rooms you are in are bright. Open the curtains and, if possible, open the windows to let some fresh air in. Try to move around if you can. Listening to music or radio programmes may also help.

Even doing small activities like these may help you to feel like doing things again, which will make it easier to ask for help.

Try to make sure that you are eating regular meals. If you are worried, anxious or depressed, it is quite easy to lose interest in your daily routine and stop looking after yourself properly.

Just as you may already have spent time learning about your cancer and its treatment, an important step you can take is to read about the emotional effects that it can have.

It can be helpful to know that the emotional effects you are experiencing are a common reaction to cancer and its treatment. It is not abnormal to have such emotions – they are a natural reaction to any stressful situation. Finding out about common emotional effects can help you to feel that you are not alone in feeling this way.

Our nurses can talk to you about the emotional effects of cancer. You may also be able to speak to a specialist nurse at the hospital. Your GP or practice nurse can also give you further information and advice.

Most public libraries will have several books on the subject. You might want your partner or close family members to learn more too, so that they know how best to help you.

Try not to bottle things up. Acknowledge the emotions you are feeling. It is perfectly natural to feel a whole range of powerful emotions when your life is suddenly turned upside down by cancer. Talking through your feelings with your partner, or a close friend or relative, can be very helpful.

If you don't feel able to talk to your partner (perhaps because it upsets you both too much) then you could ask your GP to put you in touch with a counsellor or contact a counselling organisation.

Psychotherapy is a more intensive talking treatment: it can help people to recognise, understand and deal with their emotions and feelings. Your GP can give you advice on how to contact a psychotherapist, or you can contact the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy.

Sometimes you may feel as if it is all getting too much for you, and you need to let off steam immediately before you explode. You may feel that if you can't get rid of some of your pent-up emotions quickly, you will say or do something which you might regret.

If this happens, try thumping a cushion or pillow, turning the radio or CD player up very loud, or screaming. Having a good cry can also help to release emotions. None of these will do anyone any harm and they may leave you feeling much better.

Some people find that it helps to write down how they feel. Keeping a journal may be a way of allowing you to express your fears and worries, without having to talk them through with other people.

Relaxing and trying to calm your fears and anxieties – even for short periods each day – can play a useful part in coping with the emotional effects of cancer, and will help with pain or other symptoms too.

There are many ways of relaxing. Books, tapes and classes can show you how to relax, or you may want to take up yoga. Progressive muscle relaxation involves getting to know groups of muscles around your body and learning to tense and relax them.

Visualisation (mental imagery) is a technique that involves bringing happy, relaxed images into your mind and using them to make you feel less upset or sad. By 'seeing' and 'hearing' pictures and sounds from times when you felt happy, you may be able to recapture some of the good feelings which you felt at the time, and bring these back into your current situation. Visualisation can also help you to feel more in control of your situation, by 'seeing' yourself as a person in control.

There are many different types of meditation, but they are all aimed at calming your mind and becoming 'at peace' with yourself. You can try meditation by sitting quietly, and being aware of your breathing, without trying to control it. Whenever you become aware that thoughts have come up in your mind, just come back to the awareness of your breathing and your surroundings. Instead of being aware of your breathing you can put an object in front of you and pay attention to that.

This can be very difficult at first, and you may find that you feel that you are getting worse as you become aware of how busy your mind is.

However, it will become easier as you practice. It may help you to be able to let go of your distressing or depressed thoughts for a period of time once or twice each day. It is helpful to practice meditation regularly.

People who have particular psychiatric conditions, such as psychosis, may find that some types of meditation make their psychiatric illness worse. It is best to talk to a meditation instructor from an established meditation organisation (and your psychological support team if necessary) before trying meditation.

Our section on complementary therapies includes some relaxation exercises and has information on visualisation and meditation.

Local groups which offer meditation will be listed in your local phone book.

There are many types of complementary therapy. They include acupuncture and acupressure, aromatherapy and other forms of massage, homeopathy, and reflexology.

Our section on complementary therapies describes all the commonly used complementary therapies and gives details of reputable organisations that provide the therapies.

Complementary therapies work alongside medical treatments for cancer and can help to deal with emotional effects. None of these therapies claims to cure cancer. So, it is important that you do not stop any of your current cancer treatment. However, you may want to use them to help you cope with feelings and emotions, to relax and recover, or to help you deal with the side effects of your cancer or its treatment.

If you are currently having treatment for cancer, or taking any medicines, discuss your planned therapy either with your specialist, or with your GP to check that there are no reasons why you should not go ahead. For example, some aromatherapy oils may interact with chemotherapy, so always ask your cancer specialist or nurse before you go ahead with treatment.

Most doctors are now comfortable with medical and complementary therapies being used together (a 'holistic' approach) to support you. So don't be afraid to talk about your plans.

Choosing a complementary therapist

If you are considering complementary therapies:

• Always use a qualified therapist who belongs to a professional body. The British Complementary Medical Association can give you the names of registered therapists and advice on what to look for.
• Check the cost of treatment beforehand to make sure you are being fairly charged.
• Talk it over with your doctor or nurse and ask for their advice, especially if you are going to have a therapy that involves taking pills or medicines.
• Ask your doctor or nurse if there are complementary therapies available at your treatment hospital, or through your GP's practice, or if they can recommend any therapies or practitioners.
• Choose the complementary therapy that suits your individual needs. If you are not sure and would like to know what other patients have found helpful, contact a patient support group. Some support groups offer complementary therapies.

Don’t be misled by promises of cures. No reputable therapist would claim to be able to cure cancer.

Regular exercise can help you to feel better. It is important not to push yourself too hard. You could go for a walk each day, or if you are able and have the chance, try cycling or swimming.

When you exercise, your body produces mood-improving chemicals which can help to ease aches and pains. Regular exercise keeps your body topped up with higher levels of these 'good mood' chemicals. Even simple stretches may help you to feel a bit better.

Joining a self-help group can give you many benefits. However, not everyone finds talking in a group easy, so it might not be for you. It may be helpful to go along to see what the group is like and then make a decision.

Self help, or support, groups offer a chance to talk to other people who may be in a similar situation and facing the same challenges. Joining a group can be very helpful if you live alone, or don't feel able to talk about your feelings with people around you at home.

Some studies have shown that people with cancer who took part in supportive group therapy found it improved their mood, helped them to cope better with day-to-day challenges, and reduced their pain.

It may initially feel good to have a few drinks to help you forget how worried or depressed you are feeling. However, this is only a short-term solution.

Too much alcohol can cause problems, including damaging relationships with family and friends, which are particularly important at this time.

If you are having treatment for cancer or taking antidepressant medication, it can sometimes be harmful to combine this with alcohol.

Alcohol is a depressant and so can make you feel even more low. Taking recreational drugs may make you feel better for a short time, but this may seriously damage your health in the long term.